Sitting here at the airport waiting for my flight back to Oklahoma after a week with my family in Colorado, and my heart is hurting a little (or a lot).
Of course I’m going to miss the amazing weather and incredible views, but I’m mostly going to miss my family.
For the past 6 years of my life, we have all lived in different states. I’m 5-6 hours from my parents, which is a doable drive for the weekend, but it’s just long enough where it’s hard to make it happen too often. My brother, sister-in-law, and nephew live 10 hours away which makes it nearly impossible to see each other very often unless we buy an expensive plane ticket…and where we are in life right now, that hardly happens.
It’s hard and it stinks.  My heart aches to be close to my family again one day.
This area of my life has easily been one of the hardest areas to trust the Lord with.
In my small mind, I don’t see why it wouldn’t be best to at least be within a few hours from each other and be able to see each other a lot more frequently. Right?
Honestly, my perfect world would look like this: living within easy driving distance to both sides of my family. How much better could it be to live close to all of the people I love the most?!
But God’s thoughts and ways are much higher than mine. He knows what is best and I have to trust and rest in that. Period.
Right now, there is a small glimmer of hope that one day we all might live in the same area. My brother and sister-in-law are in a transition period where in the next few years they could land anywhere depending on where he gets placed for his job. Braden and I will be there shortly with residency, and there could be a possibility that we end up in the same place.
That’s my small glimmer of hope that sometimes I tend to cling to. I can often hold onto that thought to get me through the hard days where I miss my family to my core.
But here’s the thing, what happens when a few years from now we all get settled and “placed” somewhere and it’s not in the same area? That dream that I clung to is shattered and I’m left crumbling with it.
That’s why I MUST cling to Jesus. I have to. He is the only sure thing. He is the only thing I can truly put my hope in. He is unchanging, unwavering, and always faithful.
When my circumstances are like waves around me, I have to cling to the one who steadies my heart and calms the storm inside of me.
He is a good Father and I have to trust him, even when it’s hard.
My tendency is to keep a tight grip on my family and to say, “God, I can’t surrender this one… it’s too important to me.”
But what I daily have to choose is to live with my hands out and palms open. To say in surrender, “not my will, but yours be done”, and then rest in joy and peace knowing that God is completely sovereign and completely good.
As much as I want to live by my family again one day, I really do ultimately want each of us to be where the Lord has us. I want us to say, “Here I am Lord, send me”– wherever that may be.
Because our ultimate mission on this earth is not to live by family and friends and have a comfortable life… our goal is to spread the good news and make disciples. May I never put my comfort above my call.
Who knows where the Lord will plant us but I do know these few things:
– I am blessed beyond measure to have two incredible families that I want to be close to. Not everyone’s story looks like that, and I know that I have so much to be grateful for.
– God is good all the time and I can absolutely trust him. He is better than ANYTHING on this earth…even family. He will satisfy and sustain me wherever I am.
– Heaven is coming. One day I will live in eternity, in the presence of Jesus, with my families and that is something I can hope and rejoice in.
Sister, I don’t know where you are today, but really, these truth’s can apply to any situation in life, whether it has to do with where we live or not.
Where are you placing your hope?
What are you clinging to?
Are you trusting God and living in surrender?
Pray with me that no matter where we are, what our circumstances look like, or how hard life gets, we will use any situation to further His glory and cling to our only true hope: Jesus Christ.

One thought on “Clinging

  1. Brooke! I am so thankful that you could see the danger of putting your hope in residency placement before the match and can adjust your faith and hope to be in Christ alone! I couldn’t see what I was doing when i put my hope in a particularly easy month for my husband’s schedule. I planned on us going camping every weekend… and then it rained every weekend. I was crushed. Even though I was still getting to spend a ton of time with my husband, it didn’t seem like enough in light of my expectations and misplaced hope. I was so grateful for the way the Holy Spirit graciously revealed that the problem was in my heart and not the weather, but it was also hard. I’m so grateful we have a god who is enough, independent of our circumstances!


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